I have been absent from my blog for many weeks now, trying to adjust to the changes inside my home for that sake of my children and myself.
How did this happen, I thought we were such a super happy couple at the very start of our relationship. I thought for the first time in my life, I was loved, admired, respected and there was a bond between us like no other. I thought I could turn to my mate and tell him anything, that our communication was beyond that of just a bond. I thought there was trust inside our relationship, that we had a future, life and were building lasting memories.
It's not too often high school sweethearts have a chance 22 plus years later to find one another and start something all over again... It was as if our lives had picked up where they had left off, as if nothing had every changed and time had just
stood still for us.
We had a child together, finally after all those years of waiting to find each other, after all those years of being apart. We had a family, our little boy completed us. When our son came along, he entered into a larger family of 6 other children above himself.
Life was for the first time in my life, beyond perfect.. This is how I felt every day I woke up, that I was the most blessed lady on the planet earth, that life didn't get any better then this.
I thought our bond between us was able to handle anything that came our way, that as a couple we were strong together, each knowing that we loved and cared so much about the other that no matter what.... Nothing could ever tear us apart.
I felt as if I had been hit blindsided and stabbed right through my open heart when I found out "she" was in the picture.. From that point forward, the anger started to take over the relationship and resentment and constant blame and lies. Hard to swallow these emotions on top of already feeling so alone.
No communication, even over the simple things in life. How is the weather, it's raining outside, there were no emotions left behind the words. I ate alone, sat alone, slept alone, went with out being touched, romanced, loved and needed or respected, things my heart desired, but were no longer being offered to me on a daily basis, weekly basis or monthly basis.
I have found new respect for myself, after filing for legal separation June 24, 2011. I made a choice for my children and myself to no longer have to live in a home where there is so much resentment, hate, and so much anger and no love. Since then, our home has returned to a happy home, with giggles, love and respect, something we all had gone so long with out...
Don't get me wrong. I know I failed somewhere along the lines .. But I don't recall ever doing something so mean and hurtful to my mate that would ever justify my actions of deception.
I hope you all will stay with me and continue reading as a new chapter in my life started June 24, 2011.. The children are happy and the house has returned to a loving home, something that has been missing for over 5 long years. I embrace my new life with my two remaining children and know that God is with us daily and has been all along.
Enjoy your day in what ever you do !